I’d stake a claim that the sweeping terms we hear used to describe the female brain are unjustified. Indeed there might not actually be a condition we commonly hear labelled as the ‘peri-menopausal brain’, the ‘mom-brain’ or worse still, the ‘diaper brain’. I suggest we are no more forgetful or absentminded than our male counterparts at varying stages of their lives, but we are likely to be juggling more plates at any one time, and therefore there’s simply more chance one will drop.
I know this, because one of my most ludicrous ‘brain malfunctions’ occurred when I was living in LA, well past the diaper brain stage, and some time away from the peri-menopausal age. My then 8 year old was recovering very well from a serious illness that had seen her hospitalised for over a week. After being discharged, she was prescribed some blood pressure medication which I administered daily. That was until one particularly chaotic Tuesday morning when, surrounded by my three young children, as many bowls of half eaten Rice Krispies, and a puppy chewing my husband’s brand new running shoe, I inadvertently popped my daughter’s little white blood pressure pills in my mouth, instead of hers.
“Those are for me Mama!” she shrieked, wide-eyed, as I gulped in horror. Huh? Panic! What the hell?
Now, most parents are guilty of doing too much for their children I’d say. Helicopter parents anxiously hovering over our offspring. But I’d probably crossed the line here. What had I been thinking? Instead of gently coaxing my daughter to swallow her medication, I’d only gone and taken it for her! I had an immediate image of a bird regurgitating worms for her young as I clutched my neck and tried to initiate some kind of reverse peristalsis, to no avail.
To make matters worse, my subconscious decided that now was the time to release a month’s worth of pent up parental anxiety by dissolving into hysterical laughter as my three young children stared on in open-jawed amazement. I managed to pull myself together enough to telephone the hospital, but once put through to the relevant department, my urgent call for advice was hijacked by more of my uncontrollable laughter. Numerous hospital staff tried to decipher whether I was a genuine case, or a hoax caller, but ultimately once my convulsive laughter subsided my daughter’s doctor was paged. I was soon reassured that the one-off dose of medication would do me no harm, at worst I might feel a little lightheaded (no kidding!).
“Ma’am,” the delightful doctor crooned, “you have a lot going on in that head of yours right now, your bandwidth is overstretched, and as a mom you have too many tabs open at one time.” I suggest you sit down, take a long, deep breath, and put your head between your knees for a while.
It’s advice I highly recommend and continue to live by.