I was dismayed to find a European spa weekend earlier this year to banish the January blues, counter productive. What is wrong with me? Who can’t relax into a little ‘wellness’ during what might be one of the gloomiest months of the year? Hot saunas, scented steam rooms…everything you need to replenish the body and soul in the depths of winter, and after a season of excess. But here’s the thing, across many parts of Europe it seems, you must ‘replenish’ together. I mean men and women. Together. Naked.
Now I don’t think of myself as a prude. I’ve been known to partake in a little topless sunbathing here and there, and I have no problem with a communal changing room at the gym. But, if I’ve discovered anything new about myself recently, it’s that I have a real issue with ‘mixed’ communal nakedness. I simply can’t reconcile striding nonchalantly into a sauna unclothed, and searing my buns on hot wooden slats next to a naked male stranger who is freely toasting quite a bit more, only to meet him later that evening at the hotel restaurant salad bar as I ladle gherkins on to my plate.
If only my discomfort was limited to the sauna, where I might be able to sneak in a towel and sling it around my hips in a carefree fashion. But no, the communal showering facilities were just as, if not more humiliating. Imagine your husband rinsing off proudly next to a stunning Scandinavian female who, unlike me, had not given birth three times, and instead decorated her perfectly chiseled buttocks with an intricately designed tattoo. My relief was short-lived later when I cross-examined him and he guardedly reassured me that without his glasses he could barely locate the shower tap, let alone identify a tall blond sharing the cubicle. At dinner however, he asked if I had ever considered a tattoo.
And so, with disappointed resignation I relayed my inability to partake in this European culture of wellness and relaxation to one of my American friends. She giggled and commiserated with me over my awkwardness, and like any good friend should, challenged me to grab the bull by the horns (metaphorically) and overcome my fear…and so I guess…this story is to be continued!